Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
