Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
