How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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