Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
