this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Shame - the story of my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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