I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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