I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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