grandma shit on top of the toilet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
