I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left the knife in your bed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
