cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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