I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
