Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
