I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
