I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
