My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
