Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
