She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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