Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
