how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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