3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
