don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
