Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
