Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
