you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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