I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
