wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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