I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
