i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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