Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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