i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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