Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im holly from the hills drunk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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