just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
