I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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