i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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