I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
