We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
