its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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