I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
