I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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