maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
