Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
