i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
