I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
