I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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