at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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