I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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