Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
