So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
