Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
