dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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