He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
