So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
