Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
