I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
