That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
