also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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