Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
