oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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