the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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