..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
